Shame in Recovery: Navigating the Waters of Healing

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Shame in Recovery: Navigating the Waters of Healing

For many, the physical and mental restoration that is worked towards in recovery is only half the battle; there’s often a lingering effect of guilt and shame that also must be worked through. In 2017, NPR conducted an interview with author Neil Steinberg, whose written several books on addiction recovery. He explained in the interview that addiction in and of itself is a secretive disease – and along with it being portrayed as a “weakness” or a “failing,” it’s not surprising that many in recovery still struggle with shame, guilt and stigma. He stated,

“Nobody says, here, wait a second, ‘Mom, I’m going to go hide in the bathroom and guzzle vodka.’ You don’t say that. You’re used to being secretive and ashamed of it while you’re doing it.”

The Difference Between Guilt and Shame

Guilt

Dr. Georg Fuerstein told Inner Self that guilt derives from the Old English term gylt, which means “a fine for an offense.” Today, those who experience guilt often experience that nagging feeling of having done something wrong; even once a person is in addiction recovery, they may have great concern over the “rightness” or “wrongness” of their actions. Furthermore, a person in recovery may fear punishment from their loved ones, especially when it comes time to addressing these transgressions in person. Guilt sets that tone that a person needs to “make things right.” While a person can’t change their past, they can work towards changing their present and future, and this is the only action that can be taken when guilt arises.

Guilt is a normal emotion – as humans, we’re built to recognize the mistakes and errors we’ve made and to apply judgment to them – but if this consumes a person in recovery, they will find that it’s hard for them to reach their goals.

Shame

This emotion grabs a bit more at the core, and occurs when a person feels “bad” or “unworthy.” Those in recovery who experience shame may feel that their actions are too bad for them to ever come back from – that their family members should no longer include them in their lives, or that they’re basically “bad” human beings. Shame is often much more difficult to heal from than guilt because it’s rooted in a person’s self-concept. Both shame and guilt often serve as “revolving doors” of emotion, peddling back and forth as a person tries to make sense of their life.

A 2017 study published in the journal BioSocieties found that for many, the stigma behind addiction sparks these two feelings; genetic predisposition can even facilitate feelings of shame if a person feels there’s no way out because that’s “just who they are.” There are so many symptoms of mental illness that can stem from both guilt and shame, such as depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and more – but by participating actively in recovery, a person can make huge strides.

A Path Towards Healing

Within researcher Donald Nathanson’s bookShame and Pride: Affect, Sex, and the Birth of Self,” a quadrant model to understanding shame:

  •    Withdrawal – isolating and hiding
  •    Attack Self – self-criticism and self-harm
  •    Avoidance – denial, substance abuse
  •    Attack Other – blaming others and lashing out

No matter which side of the spectrum a person tends to act upon (and this may even include more than one side), there are ways to heal from shame:

  1.     Recognize that you and your needs matter.

Addiction doesn’t define you. Acknowledge that underneath all of the shame, embarrassment and feelings of failure, you have needs. This includes feeling a part of society, feeling important, wanting to have connections – and if this matters to you, it’s important.

  1.     Build relationships that facilitate healing.

Both with yourself and with others, find people who support your need for connection, love, joy and adventure. If you find that you’re being rejected by certain friends or family members for your past with addiction, give them time – and continue reaching out to others who may become part of your social support network.

  1.     Learn to tolerate the emotion.

Many people who feel shame want to avoid it, and that’s natural; however, you can’t let your feelings of shame hold you back from living your life. Every relationship you attempt has the potential for rejection and humiliation – that’s what comes with being vulnerable. However, you can still push forward and recognize that despite shame, you can build healthy relationships.

Begin Your Path Towards Healing Today

If you’re ready to embark on this beautiful sobriety journey, speak with a professional from Burning Tree today. It’s never too late to start building the life you’ve always wanted.

Burning Tree Ranch specializes in treating chronic relapse in people with chemical dependency. We provide long-term support through residential and extended care programs that help our clients break their old patterns of addiction and learn new skills to support a healthier life. Our Dallas residential treatment program is focused on providing premium substance use treatment at an affordable cost. Contact us today for more information.

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Gerad Davis, Admissions Specialist

Gerad Davis

Admissions Specialist
Gerad serves as a dedicated Admissions Specialist for Burning Tree Programs. Engaged in his passion for helping others, Gerad exudes a calm and attentive ear for every person seeking our support. By gathering insights, focussing on solutions, and identifying resources for our family members, he fulfills a vital service to those afflicted by the disease of addiction. In long-term recovery since 2018, Gerad is a grateful Burning Tree alumni whose mission is to serve the interest of those in need. In his spare time he enjoys writing, painting, and training for marathons.
Paulo Jacuzzi

Paulo Jacuzzi

Admission Specialist
Paulo Jacuzzi serves as Admissions Specialist for Burning Tree Programs. After graduating Burning Tree in 2001, he returned home to help manage the family business. Serving in various C-Level roles including President and CEO, Paulo declares, “It was an honor to be entrusted with my father’s legacy; a true gift of sobriety.” He rejoined the Burning Tree Team in 2023. “My passion is to help families struggling with addiction, and to aid them in finding the freedom we discovered.” Sober for more than twenty years, Paulo and his bride, Jennifer, live in Arkansas with their ever-expanding brood of rescue animals.
Holly Burnett

Holly Burnett

Admission Specialist
Holly Serves as Admissions Specialist for Burning Tree Programs. Having worked in various clinical roles throughout her career, what Holly most enjoys is connecting clients and families with the services they need to achieve their full potential in recovery. With the ultimate goal of becoming a licensed therapist, she is currently completing her degree in Social Work. Certified as a Mindfulness In Recovery Facilitator, she seeks to lend a sense of calm, diligent attention to the important needs of each and every loved one that seeks help from the Burning Tree organization.
Jim_Long

Jim Long

LCDCI, COUNSELOR
Jim Long Serves as Counselor at Burning Tree Ranch. A former U.S. Army Sergeant and Fire Department Captain, Jim enjoys collaborating with his clinical and psychiatric counterparts to help uncover and treat the root causes and conditions of addiction. Sober since 1994, he utilizes his own experience in recovery to help our clients gravitate towards a new way of living, a new sense of freedom, and a brand new happiness. As a highly trained EMT-P and first responder, Jim delivers a deep sense of confidence that the crisis of addiction can be overcome. Happily married for over 30 years, Jim shares 4 children and 2 grandchildren with his amazing wife, Shelley.
KRISTINA ROBERTSON, LMSW, LCDC

KRISTINA ROBERTSON

LMSW, LCDC | Counselor
Kristina Robertson serves as Counselor at Burning Tree Ranch. Holding both a Bachelors and Masters Degree in Social Work, Kristina’s greatest joy is “watching our clients learn to love themselves again.” An avid equestrian, mother to twenty-one horses, and all-around animal lover, Kristina serves as a bright shining example of long-term recovery in action. Her commitment to whole person health: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual makes her an invaluable member of the Burning Tree Ranch clinical team. As a distinguished Phi Theta Kappa and Alpha Zeta member, Kristina believes deeply in each client’s pursuit of becoming their best selves.
Sarah Adams, Admissions Specialist

SARAH ADAMS

Admissions Specialist
Sarah serves as a dedicated Admissions Specialist for Burning Tree Programs. Known for her compassionate and insightful nature, Sarah is often one of the first friendly voices a client or family member will engage. “I like to meet people where they are at, listen and learn. It is always an inspiration to get to be the outstretched hand that someone is reaching for in need.” With a degree in biology from Stephen F. State Austin University, Sarah is constantly seeking to expand her education. Most recently, she has begun pursuing her counselor’s license. In her free time, Sarah enjoys reading, traveling, exercising and exploring the great outdoors.
Erik Jokinen, Admission Specialist

Erik Jokinen

Admission Specialist
Erik serves as a dedicated Admissions Specialist at Burning Tree Programs. Being in long-term recovery himself, Erik enjoys helping families and individuals find the same freedom that he and his loved one’s discovered on their shared journey to wellness. With over 8 years of professional treatment experience, Erik’s favorite part of his career is getting to support those in need as they engage in the inspirational process of asking for help. Erik has a 4-year old daughter, one dog and two cats. When not working, he enjoys spending time with his family and attempting to be decent at golf.
Sally LeBeau, Admission Specialist

Sally LeBeau

Admission Specialist
Sally serves as a dedicated Admissions Specialist for Burning Tree Programs. An alumna of Burning Tree Ranch, Sally believes that “by aiding our clients and families in the process of finding a program that best fits their needs, I get to play a small part in helping them accomplish a life beyond their wildest dreams.” Sober since 2005, Sally has over 5 years experience working as a professional in the treatment industry. She believes in the virtues of honesty, integrity, and compassion. Happily married, Sally enjoys the beach, reading, and eating her favorite icecream with her husband, Matt.

"A Message To Families"

Brook McKenzie, LCDCI, Chief Operating Officer

Lexi

Alexis "Lexi" Thomas

Admission Specialist

Alexis “Lexi” Thomas serves as Admission Specialist for Burning Tree Programs. Holding a Bachelor’s degree in Public Health from the University of Arizona, Lexi lends passion, knowledge, and insight to the admissions process. Treating every inquiry with a sense of tenderness and empathy, Lexi knows first-hand what the family member’s experience of addiction feels like. After losing her own family member to addiction, Lexi dedicated her life to helping others find the freedom they deserve. A native of Tucson, AZ., Lexi is happily married and expecting a baby. She counts one dog and a cat amongst her growing family.

Jimmy

Jimmy Epperson

Chief Communications Officer
Jimmy Epperson serves as Chief Communications Officer for Burning Tree Programs. Responsible for helping communicate the philosophies of the Burning Tree brand, Jimmy utilizes his background as a journalist to develop meaningful content meant to inspire faith, courage, and hope. Demonstrating strong organizational skills nurtured by his professional background with AT&T and Facebook, Jimmy helps craft the executive communications that promote Burning Tree’s long-established vision of excellence. Married, with two boys, Jimmy’s sister and wife are both graduates of the Burning Tree Ranch; they are still sober to this day.
Lauren Juvers

Lauren Juvers

National Business Development Rep.
Lauren Juvers serves as National Business Development Representative for Burning Tree Programs. Responsible for acting as an ambassador of the program, Lauren’s duties consist of sharing her personal story of recovery, working with professionals who specialize in treating addiction, and giving hope to families who are desperate to help their loved ones. As an Alumnae of Burning Tree Ranch, she describes the program as a “nationally known, long-term residential treatment center for the chronic relapser and treatment resistant individual.” An avid animal lover and PADI-certified scuba diver, Lauren has been sober since 2011. She resides in Dallas, TX.
Julian Duran

Julian Duran

National Business Development Rep.
Julian Duran serves as National Business Development Representative for Burning Tree Programs. By educating families and providers on the unique program offered at Burning Tree Ranch, Julian seeks to create as many opportunities as possible for the chronic relapser. Prioritizing open-mindedness, teachability, and faith as the foundational principles of his own recovery, Julian helps our network of community partners continue to grow on a daily basis. Counted amongst his favorite hobbies are weightlifting, reading, dancing and service work. Sober since 2012, Julian resides in beautiful Arizona.
Patty Raymer

Patty Raymer

SR. National Business Development Rep.

Patty Raymer serves as Sr. National Business Development Representative for Burning Tree Programs. Active in the national recovery community since 1992, Patty has enjoyed over 30 years of sobriety, service, and excellence in her personal triumph over addiction. Today she helps guide families and clients in their own quest for meaningful, individualized treatment solutions. As one of the most recognizable names in our industry, Patty believes that enrolling in one’s own personal work is the best way for the family to heal from the wounds of addiction. Subscribed to the mantra of “Trust God, Clean House, Help Others,” Patty and her husband reside in the beautiful Texas Hill Country.

KC Gooding

KC Gooding

National Business Development Rep.
KC Gooding serves as National Business Development Representative for Burning Tree Programs. An active committee member for NAATP, NAADAC, and CASA, KC engages with multiple organizations to help expand our country’s commitment to important policy decisions that affect those suffering from addiction. He prioritizes service to others as the cornerstone of his own recovery, and seeks to ensure that as many families as possible are aware of the broad range of services available to support their needs. Sober since 2012, KC and his wife reside in gorgeous Dana Point, CA. He is the proud father of two.
Eric Button

Eric Button

PRSS | Family Liaison & Sr. Business Dev. Rep.
Eric Button serves as Family Liaison & Sr. Business Development Representative for Burning Tree Programs. A customer service expert, Eric unites our families with the clinical process at Burning Tree Ranch, introducing each family to the support, education, and resources available throughout their loved one’s treatment process. As an alumnus, he shares his personal recovery story throughout the United States, helping connect as many families as possible to the wide network of professionals who, like Eric, are dedicated to improving the lives of others. An avid aircraft enthusiast and aviator, Eric has been sober since 2005. He and his fiancé reside in Austin, TX.
Anthony Morengo

Anthony Marengo

Chief Marketing Officer
Anthony Marengo serves as Chief Marketing Officer for Burning Tree Programs. Responsible for helping execute the organization’s strategic vision, Anthony leads a talented team of Admissions and Business Development professionals who represent Burning Tree’s three programs, Burning Tree Ranch, Burning Tree West and Renewal Lodge. With over 15 years of treatment industry experience, Anthony’s commitment to his own personal recovery has afforded him the opportunity to help countless individuals. Married with two boys and residing in Arizona, Anthony has been sober since 2004.
Olivia Wilder

Olivia Wilder

Director of Admissions

Olivia Wilder serves as Director of Admissions for Burning Tree Programs. Responsible for helping execute the organization’s vision of excellence, Olivia leads a talented team of admissions specialists dedicated to Burning Tree’s philosophy of “creating a life of excellence beyond sobriety.” Trained in multiple intervention disciplines, Olivia utilizes mindfulness, DBT skills, and a solutions-focussed approach to help achieve dynamic results on behalf of the loved one in need. Sober since 2014, Olivia is a proud alumna of Burning Tree Ranch. She counts her two children and loving husband amongst her greatest blessings.

Her intervention training includes a specialization Drug and Alcohol Abuse and Applied Suicide Prevention.

Jade Perry

Jade Perry

Human Resources Administrator
Jade Perry serves as Human Resources Administrator for Burning Tree Ranch. Responsible for coordinating functions related to the organization’s employees and contractors, Jade helps manage human resources policies designed to support the health, safety and welfare of all Burning Tree personnel. An expert at facilitating health care benefits, Jade is also one of the friendly voices our callers hear when inquiring with the Ranch. Happily married for 25 years, Jade enjoys her nine grandchildren every chance she gets. A proud Texas native, she has been with Burning Tree since 2009.
Kristie Mays

Kristie Mays

Finance Assistant

Kristie Mays serves as Financial Assistance Coordinator for Burning Tree Ranch. Responsible for a host of duties to include payroll and client billing, Kristie boasts a 25-year background in the financial services industry. Utilizing clear communication to assist the team mission of excellence, Kristie demonstrates her commitment to Burning Tree’s fiscal viability by the method of accurate accounting and financial modeling. Happily married for 26-years, Kristy has 3 beautiful children, a long-haired dachshund, cocker spaniel, and a 1-year-old terrier. She is a proud Texas native.

Cody Odom, MS, CEO

Cody Odom, MS

Chief Financial Officer
Cody Odom serves as Chief Financial Officer at Burning Tree Programs. With a Master’s of Science in Accounting, he is responsible for overseeing all financial operations within the organization, including budgeting, financial analysis, and reporting. He understands the financial burdens that families face when seeking treatment for their loved ones, and he is passionate about finding ways to make treatment more accessible and affordable. A native Texan, sober softball enthusiast, and parent to two adorable cats, Cody and his wife, Sarah, reside in Bastrop, TX. Sober since 2015, he is dedicated to making a positive difference in the lives of those struggling with addiction.
Shelia Sirls

Shelia Sirls

Client Care Manager

Shelia Sirls serves as Client Care Manager for Burning Tree Ranch. With a 30-year background in behavioral health, Sheila assists our clients in developing the needed life skills to support a full life in recovery. Blending kindness with practicality, Shelia demonstrates the virtues of personal responsibility by helping our clients coordinate their chores, weekly food shopping, supplies inventory, and menu planning. Known across the entire United States for her country fried chicken, Sheila joined Burning Tree Ranch in 2006. A native of Kaufman, TX she has two grown children and six beautiful grandchildren.

Keisha Miller

Keisha Miller

Treatment Tech
Keisha Miller serves as Treatment Tech for Burning Tree Ranch. Responsible for coordinating logistics, client transportation and scheduling, Keisha incorporates kindness and compassion to help facilitate a client’s journey through treatment. As a certified medical assistant, Keisha blends her background in the human services field with Burning Tree’s steadfast commitment to quality of life improvements. “Making a difference in someone’s life gives purpose to my own,” says Keisha. Born and raised in Kaufman, TX, she has been bringing value to the Burning Tree team since 2017.
Leroy Woldridge

Leroy Wooldridge

Director of Maintenance

Leroy Wooldridge serves as the Director of Maintenance for Burning Tree Ranch. Responsible for maintaining one of the most unique properties in the nation, Leroy manages all aspects of Burning Tree’s two-thousand acre ranch. With a professional background in commercial construction, Leroy employs a broad range of skills in his quest to maintain Burning Tree’s facilities at optimal functionality. Earning “employee of the year” multiple times since 2009, Leroy exhibits Burning Tree’s passion for “creating a life of excellence beyond sobriety.” He and his wife reside in Kaufman, TX, and are the proud parents of three grown children.

Donna Brown

Donna Brown

Operations Assistant
Donna Brown serves as Operations Assistant for Burning Tree Ranch. Dedicated to Burning Tree’s standard of excellence, Donna utilizes her administrative skill set to manage all facets of logistical planning, EMR integration, and internal clinical communications designed to support the health and welfare of every client. Whether scheduling appointments, managing patient records, or coordinating staff, Donna plays a vital role in the delivery of healthcare at Burning Tree Ranch. Originally from Kaufman, TX she counts two children and a beautiful grandchild amongst her growing family.
Shelley Long

Shelley Long

Operations Manager

Shelley Long serves as Operations Manager for Burning Tree Ranch. Responsible for upholding the core principles of the organization, Shelley utilizes a combination of efficiency and attentiveness to create a safe place for our clients to recover. Shelley has worked for Burning Tree for more than a decade. Shelley’s strengths are strong organization skills, taking initiative, and using her sense of humor in her day-to-day job. Shelley wants to help alcoholics and addicts find their way to a successful sober life. Shelley and her husband have four grown children and two grandkids.

Angie Buja

Angie Buja

Family Program Facilitator
Angie Buja serves as the Family Program Facilitator for Burning Tree Ranch. Responsible for co-creating Burning Tree’s nationally recognized family program, Angie is a practiced therapist who believes in treating addiction as a family disease, not an individual disease. By helping families navigate through the repeating patterns of relapse, Angie guides families in identifying how they can contribute differently to help achieve better, more meaningful results. Her presentations include humor, education, experiential exercises as well as sharing about her own “growth opportunities”. She also holds the license of supervisor and enjoys working with new clinicians as they pursue their professional development. Angie is happily married with a teenage son. She works and lives in Dallas, TX. and is the co-founder of Sparrow House Counseling.
David Elliot, Founder

David Elliott

Founder & President
David Elliott serves as the Founder and President of Burning Tree Programs. Responsible for architecting the vision of the organization, David’s chief mission is to promote lasting change in the lives of those suffering from chronic relapse. With a hands-on approach, involved presence, and unyielding commitment to excellence, David serves as the heartbeat of our organization’s steadfast commitment to long-term, progress-based treatment. “My favorite part of what we do is to witness the evolution that individuals undergo during the course of treatment at Burning Tree.” An avid dog lover, Mr. Elliott resides in Dallas, TX. He has been sober since 1992.
Dawn Wilson

Dawn WIlson

BS | Director of Transition Services

Dawn Wilson serves as Director of Transition Services for Burning Tree Ranch and has a Bachelor of Science in Speech Language Pathology and Audiology from The University of Texas at Dallas. Responsible for extending Burning Tree’s standard of excellence into the transitional phase of the program, Dawn incorporates accountability, structure, and consistency to help our clients reintegrate into independent living. A weekly participant at Burning Tree’s Master Treatment Planning, Dawn is familiar with every client, from their very first week all the way to graduation. An active participant in the Down Syndrome Community, Dawn fundraises for the Down Syndrome Guild and The Rise School of Dallas, a non-profit that serves children with Down Syndrome. Happily married, she is the loving mother of 6 beautiful children. Dawn has been sober since 2004.

Carey Ferren

Carey Ferren

LCDC, Director of Alumni
Carey Ferren serves as the Alumni Director for Burning Tree Ranch. With fifteen years of service as a Ranch team member, Carey has participated in multiple roles throughout his career ranging from Counselor to Assistant Clinical Director. Today, as Director of Alumni, Carey incorporates his therapeutic background to engage our Alumni in a host of community-based activities designed to inspire a deeper sense of fellowship and connectedness. An alumnus of Burning Tree Ranch himself, Carey became sober in 2004. He is happily married and the proud father of two children ages 18 and 14.
Brook McKenzie, COO

Brook McKenzie

LCDCI, Chief Operating Officer