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A very important event is transpiring; your
loved one is in treatment at Burning Tree. We are confident
that our program will facilitate your loved one’s decision to
make the changes necessary to maintain long term sobriety.
Research and our
own experience tell us that the chance for ongoing recovery
increases dramatically when the family participates in the
healing process. The disease of addiction leaves behind many
emotional scars on those who come in contact with it.
Therefore, it is imperative that all family members become
involved in the process of recovery.
Your loved one
will be scheduled for an upcoming Family Program. By requesting
that you participate in this program, we are establishing a
basis not only for the recovery of your loved one, but also for
the long-term health of the whole family. At first, you may
approach this program with some anxiety and apprehension,
especially if you have attended other family programs that were
not beneficial or were unpleasant. Most family members report
that they leave our Family Program with a sense of relief, hope
and realistic expectations about recovery.
Please be aware
that clients sometime experience a desire to shield family
members from becoming involved in this experience. Please
do not let your loved one make that decision! The
clinical team has determined that it is important for you to
attend. We have enclosed some information to help you make
plans.
> DESCRIPTION
The Family Program is designed to assist
clients, family members and significant others to develop a
greater understanding of the impact of the addiction on their
relationships. Specifically, the program provides hope and
realistic expectations for the recovery experience following
treatment. Family members and significant others are requested
to attend the program.
> LOCATION AND LODGING
There are numerous hotels near Burning
Tree. We will provide you with maps and phone numbers for
specific locations. Staff would be glad to assist you in
answering any questions regarding lodging.
> SCHEDULE
The following is a general schedule of the
Family Program:
> MEALS
Breakfast and lunch are provided all three
days. Join your client for the breakfast buffet each morning as
early as 8:15AM. Dinner is provided on Wednesday night only.
You are on your own for dinner on Thursday and Friday nights. If
clinical staff deems it appropriate, your client will be able to
go on pass with you on Friday from 5:00PM until 10:00PM.
>
PREPARATION
We strongly recommend that participants attend Al-Anon, Families
Anonymous and/or CODA meetings prior to the family program.
Al-Anon provides support to family and friends of alcoholics.
Families Anonymous provides support for parents of alcoholics
and drug addicts. CODA provides support for individuals in
codependent relationships. You can locate the nearest meetings
by consulting your local telephone book or area Council on
Alcohol and Drug Abuse.
> CONFIDENTIALITY
In order to respect the confidentiality of
all clients and family members engaged in treatment, cameras,
video cameras, and tape recorders are not allowed on the
facility grounds.
> PARTICIPATION
To minimize disruption to the group as a
whole, we ask that all participants commit to attend the entire
Family Program. Full benefit only comes from participation in
all the activities. The content and format of the schedule is
designed to build on itself. In addition, the material and
experiences occur during a very short period of time. Please
make other arrangements for work related activities so that you
can eliminate distraction from cell phones and pagers, even
during breaks.
>
RULES
While visiting Burning Tree, all visitors
must abide by posted guidelines and respect other client’s
confidentiality.
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Client and visitors are prohibited from
taking walks or otherwise isolating themselves from Burning
Tree staff.
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Burning Tree clients and visitors are
not to demonstrate inappropriate public displays of
affection.
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All visitors are required to read our
confidentiality statement and sign in and out in our guest
book.
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All visitors are required to wear name
badges during all visitation periods.
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Visitors are not permitted to enter
into the dorms or client rooms.
>
CHILD CARE
Because of the intensity and content of the material discussed,
we do not recommend that children under the age of twelve attend
the Family Program. Unfortunately, we cannot provide any
assistance with local child care services so any arrangements
must be made prior to the start of the Family Program.
> MOOD ALTERING CHEMICALS
Family Program participants are required to
abstain from alcohol and other mood altering substances for the
duration of the Program. Exceptions are medications prescribed
by physicians.
> YOUR CLIENT MAY EXPERIENCE:
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A temptation to present a “front” to
protect him/herself from the treatment experience.
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A temptation to focus on what is wrong
with other clients, staff, or the facility or focus on
family matters or any other outside concerns rather than
deal with him/herself.
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Surprise to discover that others feel
the similar feelings and have support for how they feel.
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Stronger feelings such as getting
angrier, more suicidal, lonelier, more hurt, or more out of
control.
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Strong negative feelings directed
towards specific clients or staff members who remind them of
someone important in their life.
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A feeling of being fixed and ready to
leave treatment despite staff recommendations that they
remain and complete the program.
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A tendency to feel guilt and shame and
verbalizing a strong desire to repair the damage or to leave
and immediately fix the problems they created in their
addiction.
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A balanced perception of the damage of
their addiction on themselves/others and a realistic
understanding of the mechanism of recovery.
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A desire to shield you from becoming
involved in Family Program or even from talking to the
counseling staff.
> WHAT YOU MAY EXPERIENCE:
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A tendency to keep secrets or avoid
talking to staff regarding any relevant information
regarding telephone/written communication with the client.
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A temptation to minimize family
problems.
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Feeling resentment towards the client
being in treatment and you being left to deal with all
outside issues and problems alone.
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Preoccupation with problems that easily
could wait until treatment is completed.
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Believing that treatment for the client
will magically fix all family problems.
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Minimizing the impact of the addiction
on yourself or other family members.
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Experiencing resistance to attending
recovery support groups for family members.
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A desire to shield the client from any
bad news or problems for fear of “setting them off”.
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Continuing to be manipulated by your
client to meet his or her own self-centered needs.
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A sense of hope and optimism.
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A strong desire to do whatever it takes
to get and keep the family and the client in recovery.
All of these experiences are a byproduct of
the difficulty involved in making the changes necessary for true
sobriety to take root.
>
CHARACTERISTICS OF HEALTHY FAMILIES
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All members of the family are responsible for their own
thoughts, feelings and actions.
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Minimal irresolvable conflict occurs in
the family.
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Minimal fear of change exists.
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The structure of the family is open and
flexible.
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Family members promote openness and
honesty.
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All family members are able to show
fear and anxiety without embarrassment.
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Show respect for individual boundaries.
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Parents share equal power.
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There is little blaming or personal
attacking. The family does not use scapegoats to deflect
attention from family problems.
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Positive feelings exist and are
fostered by family members.
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Task organization within the family is
clear and fair.
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The family is willing to seek input
from outside sources.
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Differences between family members are
negotiated through to a solution.
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Responses tend to be coherent and
effective. The family possesses skills for problem solving.
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The family is able to adapt to
inevitable losses from growth and death.
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The family members are emotionally
attached to one another by love.
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Healthy families have a sense of
spirituality - knowledge, trust, hope, peace and reverence.
>
SUGGESTIONS FOR THE RECOVERING FAMILY
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Expect
ups and downs; full recovery takes years.
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Get
outside support from members of Al-Anon, Narc-Anon, Families
Anonymous, CODA, etc., and develop outside interests.
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Learn more about recovery and how it
can affect families.
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Keep your home free of drugs and
alcohol.
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Make your expectations and rules clear,
talk about problems openly and honestly; avoid giving
lectures.
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Become willing to meet some of the
chemically dependent’s new recovering friends and join in
some recovery group activities.
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Understand and allow that the
chemically dependent person will be spending large amounts
of time in their recovery pursuits.
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Be aware that protecting, shielding and
enabling behavior on your part can result in the client’s
return to old behaviors and feelings.
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Use your support group and get advice
on what is the best course of action in case of a relapse.
REMEMBER: You cannot make someone
recover. But you can make recovery the most appealing
option for your client. Learn how to best support and love. Keep
yourself well emotionally, physically and spiritually. That’s
the best and most that can be done.
AND REMEMBER THE THREE C’S:
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YOU DID NOT CAUSE IT
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YOU CAN’T
CONTROL IT
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YOU CAN’T CURE IT
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