My name is Beth and I am an alumnus of Burning Tree Recovery Ranch.  My story is not unique.  In many ways, my experience is like most of the clients that go to treatment at Burning Tree.  I was a slave to heroin and alcohol addiction for over a decade and I had adapted to a life that included crime, endless lies and spectacular pain. When my family intervened and told me to go to treatment, I couldn’t bear to look my Mother in the eyes and break her heart, one more time.  I was absolutely hopeless and I didn’t think that it was possible for me to get sober. Death seemed like a better option.  I had been to treatment before, several times in fact. I had been to hundreds of 12 step meetings, I knew all of the catchy A.A. phrases and I could even quote the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.  So, in an effort to give my Mom a break and a good night sleep, I reluctantly agreed to go to treatment, even though I was convinced it wouldn’t work.  I was admitted to the Burning Tree Recovery Ranch on August 4, 2003.  I was hardened, tired and angry.

I knew immediately that something was different there.  You see, it was my intent to get an A+ in treatment and then when my family and friends trusted me again, I would drink and use again.  I told myself that the next time I used, I would be smarter, better and no one would know.  Lucky for me, the staff at Burning Tree knew the disease of addiction and therefore, they knew me and all my addict tricks.  They didn’t want to hear everything that I knew about recovery; they wanted to see a demonstration in my behavior. 

As it turns out, I didn’t know much about getting sober.  In fact, I didn’t even have a clue what it meant to be powerless.  Yes, I had experienced powerlessness, but I couldn’t tell you why I did the things I did when I was using.  I had no idea why I couldn’t learn from my own mistakes and why I continued to drink and use even when I didn’t want to.  Since I never understood the problem, I never understood why I needed to seek power by working the 12 steps.  As a client at Burning Tree I studied the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and worked all 12 steps with a sponsor.  I learned that addiction isn’t a moral problem.  I was raised to know the difference between right and wrong, I just couldn’t live up to the standards I set for myself.  I learned that my mind and body are different than the non-alcoholic and I was not only given education about the disease of addiction, I was given the opportunity to put the solution into practice and begin to live a sober life. 

As a client at Burning Tree I was blessed with the time to process core issues with counselors and a psychiatrist who were truly committed to my healing.  While in treatment there were many days that I felt misunderstood, confused and alone.  I didn’t understand the process or how it had anything to do with getting sober.   But with the support of the staff and my peers, I kept on.  And then without realizing it, I began to change from the inside out.  As if the world slowly came into focus and things finally began to make sense.  I learned that I am not a victim to those around me and that I get to be responsible for myself and my actions.  I learned to see the value of honesty, integrity, and accountability.  I learned that I have value.  I was challenged on daily basis and I recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body. 

Am I happy, joyous and free today? Absolutely.  I lived the majority of my life wishing I could crawl out of my own skin, so experiencing true serenity and freedom is nothing short of miraculous. And, I have had the opportunity to give back at Burning Tree as a 12 step sponsor.  It is an honor to serve those who still endure the torment that is addiction.  Now I get to witness other alcoholics and addicts transform into responsible, loving and honest people.  Thank you Burning Tree, I will be forever grateful.

~Beth L.